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Coffee and Thoughts - Cup Of Vision

Willow was sitting at a table, stirring her coffee to death. She almost thought that she could see it getting colder as she stirred. She kept stirring, pondering life, the universe, and male blindness. Xander hadn't noticed that she wasn't one of the guys.

He hadn't noticed that she was female, that she had grown and... developed at the same time as the girls like Cordelia and Harmony. He's noticed that they'd developed. He'd noticed Buffy. He didn't have a clue that she had, and he had even less of a clue that she had a huge crush on him. What did it take to get a guy to notice you?

A dark shadow fell over her, making it had to see her coffee. Looking up, she saw Angel standing there, a mug of steaming coffee firmly in his hands, and an almost smile on his face. He settled into the seat across from her, looking at her as if trying to decipher her expression.

"Are you brooding, red? Didn't we talk about that last week?"

Remembering their conversation, Willow gave a little smile. Angel had told her that she didn't talk to much, and that she shouldn't feel guilty over coffee. "Did you get back from Brooders Anonymous?"

He sighed, looking into his coffee in an effort to hide the twitching of his lips as he almost smiled. "Tonight's meeting was canceled. So, what did your coffee do that you're beating it like that?"

"It was a naughty cup... well, actually I was just sort of... considering life and how X... I mean, how guys can just not notice things." A sudden thought occurred to her. Angel was a guy... most definitely a guy. Maybe he could help her figure something out.

"Considering guys missing something in particular or just not seeing in general?"

She sighed, and took a swallow of her coffee, which was now simply warm instead of hot. "Not noticing me. Why doesn't... why don't guys notice me, Angel? I thought, since you are a guy, maybe you could help me figure it out..."

"I assume you are mainly thinking of the guys around your age?" He was looking at her, probably remembering the disastrous frat party that Buffy and Cordelia had attended.

"Yeah. And it isn't like I'm trying to find the magic outfit to make mister cute fall madly in love with me. I just... if he doesn't see me, I'll never have a chance." Why didn't Xander see her? Was he so blinded by the Buffys and Cordelias of the world that she was invisible? If she could get him to notice that she was a young woman now, maybe... maybe she would have a chance.

"I can remember being a young man. Most young men have no patience. If it isn't right there in the open, or at least unmistakably obvious, guys won't see it. Most young guys won't look past loose clothing to figure that there's a pretty girl inside, they're too distracted by little black skirts and shirts showing cleavage." He had a look that spoke of reminiscence, that whispered that he was contemplating his own youth.

"So if they can't see it, it isn't there?" Willow felt frustration swell, overtaking the melancholy and self pity that she'd been wallowing in.

"If it isn't in the open, they won't see it. That doesn't mean that you aren't pretty. It doesn't mean that nobody will ever notice." He put his hand out, resting coffee-warmed fingers on the back of her hand.

She looked at his hand resting on hers, his fingers hot from the coffee mug, and gave a small smile, silently acknowledging the other hopeless crush that had slipped into her heart. Angel was gorgeous, and nice, and smart... and had his thing with Buffy. Maybe her problem was that all the guys around just wanted Buffy? Would she finally be noticed if Buffy were gone? Her words were a soft whisper. "Thanks for the vote of encouragement."

"Have a little faith, or maybe patience. Sooner or later, he'll see how great you are."

She felt herself wince a bit. Had it been that obvious? Did everyone but Xander know about her crush? "What if he doesn't figure it out before I'm seventy years old with fake teeth and blue hair?"

Angel just smiled, laughter making his eyes bright. "Someone will notice long before then. I promise. Maybe someone better than Xander."

Willow tried to smile, seeing the logic behind Angel's words. But she didn't want just some random person. She wanted... well, her crush on Xander was safe, he wasn't involved with anyone right now.

She got a fresh cup of coffee, and chatted with Angel about general things. Eventually, she managed to convince him to tell her some about his travels in China. Not so much the details of what he was doing if he didn't want, but about the buildings, and the shops, and what sort of things a person would see on a street. It was fascinating to hear about far away places.

While she listened, a corner of her mind pondered things. She had asked Angel what it took to get a guy to notice her. Put his answer together with Buffy trying to convince her to let her friend pick out a costume... maybe she could get Xander to notice her this year.

After a while, something occurred to her. Angel and Buffy had their... whatever going on, how much did they talk? Did they talk about their childhoods? The places they'd gone? "Angel? Do you and Buffy talk about the past? Maybe about the future?"

"No. She... Buffy doesn't want to know about how things used to be. How I used to be."

"What, she's just going to pretend that you aren't... Does she think that if she doesn't talk about it, it isn't real?" Willow had wondered about the relationship between the two. Were they trying to build a future?

"She doesn't want to think about my past. I don't think she dwells on the future very much either."

"That's rather sad. I mean, it's the past that makes you who you are today." How could they build a future without facing the past?

"I'm not sure we can have much of a future anyhow." His voice sounded so sad... as if the thought hurt.

"But, if you love her, shouldn't you be able to try? I mean, can't you find some way to make it work?" Surely Buffy would be willing to make a few compromises? Wouldn't it be worth it for someone like Angel? If he were hers, she'd definitely be willing to compromise.

"I... I'm not sure quite how I feel. She's wonderful... brave and pretty and confident. But I'm not sure how much... how I feel." He looked uncomfortable, as if talking about his feeling made him uncomfortable.

"Well, maybe you can figure it out." She smiled at him, knowing that Buffy wanted to impress Angel with her costume. She'd also found herself borrowing one of the histories from Giles Watcher chronicles. There had been information about his past, and she really wanted to read through it after Buffy had figured out Halloween.

On to 'Cup Of Dreams'

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