FanFiction Archive

Crying

I was alright for awhile
I could smile for awhile
But I saw you tonight
You held my hand so tight
As you stopped to say "hello"
Oh you wished me well
You couldn't tell that I'd been

Crying over you
Crying over you
*

Willow wiped tears from her eyes as she sobbed quietly in her bed. She reached for a tissue from the box next to her, rubbing her cheeks. He had come back last night, "to see how things were," he said. She knew he meant to see how Buffy was. He had been disappointed that Buffy wasn't in the room, but had come in anyway, making small talk with Willow.

During the entire conversation, Willow felt the familiar stirrings in her heart that always occurred around this man. She struggled to hide her emotions from him, just as she always had. He couldn't know how much she loved him. She knew what he felt for her was simply friendship. However, with every word he spoke, she felt herself falling deeper in love with him. Then Buffy had come back and the two had left, leaving Willow alone.

*
When you said, "so long"
Left me standing all alone
Alone and crying
Crying, crying, crying, crying
It's hard to understand
How the touch of your hand
Can start me crying
*

Willow remembered the way her heart broke again as Buffy and Angel left the dorm room. She was all alone, once again. She didn't understand it. He had made small talk, asking her about school, the Scoobies and yet, he still made her heart flutter. She hadn't seen him in months and had told herself that she had forgotten the way he talked with his deep voice. She had tried to push out of her mind his infrequent smile that turned her knees to jelly.

With one short visit, she knew she couldn't try to forget him anymore. He had gripped her hand when he had said hello. That simple, casual touch had meant more to her than any other in her life. It had made her feel alive and loved. She knew he hadn't meant anything more than hello, but she couldn't help but treasure it.

Willow grabbed another tissue, while she tried to stop her silent sobs. She hated being alone all the time. She'd been alone since she and Oz had broken up after three months of dating during junior year of high school. She laughed bitterly as she recalled what he had told her when he broke it off. He told her that she should go after the one she really loved. Too bad the man she loved was in love with her best friend.

*
I thought I was over you
But it's true, oh so true
I love you even more
Than I did before
But darling what can I do?
For you don't love me
And I'll always be
Crying for you
Crying for you
*

Willow sighed as she sat up, grabbing the wad of tissues and throwing them in the garbage. She had thought that she had gotten over the feelings she had for Angel. She had hidden them throughout her sophomore and junior years. She had been devastated when Buffy had sent him to Hell. She hadn't even known for months after the fact what had happened to him.

Every day for those long months, her heart had broken a little more. And when she did find out where he was all that time, her heart shattered. When he did get back from Hell, she had pushed her feelings down ruthlessly. She had never told him that she was the one who had gotten him out. That she couldn't bear the thought of him being tortured for eternity. If she told him, she'd have to tell him why, and if she did that, she knew what would come next. She didn't think she could bear the "I like you as a friend" speech from Angel.

And when he moved to L.A. she had hoped that she would be able to get over him. But here she was, three years later, still completely, head over heels in love with him. She understood that he would never see her like that. He loved Buffy with all his heart, and Buffy loved him back. Willow had never considered saying a word to anyone. It would hurt Buffy too much. And she didn't think anyone had figured out why she hadn't ever been interested in dating after Oz.

Oz had shown her it wasn't fair to date someone if your heart belonged to another. This year, she had hoped that she could finally put him out of her mind and move on. But now, after seeing him and seeing how she still reacted to him, she knew that she wouldn't ever want to be with anyone else.

Willow took a deep breath, pushing down her tears. She looked in the mirror and saw herself. She nodded to her image, finally accepting the fact that she would always be alone.

*
Yes now you're gone
And from this moment on
I'll be crying, crying, crying, crying
Yes crying
Crying
Over you
*

The End

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