FanFiction Archive

Understanding

Part 8

Willow looked around sadly at her room. Her bed was made, her clothes were put away and everything was in its proper place. Except there was one thing missing: Tara. Willow sighed. She was cleaning her room. But it was more than simple cleaning. It had been a month and a half since Tara and Buffy had died. Six weeks of mourning.

Willow felt the tears come to her eyes even now as she carefully rearranged her belongings to make up for the absence of Tara's. Her family had come for her things but Willow had kept some. It was almost as if by keeping something of Tara's she was keeping the blonde witch alive.

But she realized that all she was doing was keeping Tara's memory alive. And everyday it tore into her. She knew Tara wouldn't want her to fall asleep crying each night. Tara would want her to keep going. So Willow was cleaning.

She was ready to begin to move on. She had kept a few of the smaller things in place; she couldn't bear to pack all the pictures and memories up. However, the rest of it was going to go into her most recent keepsakes box. She took down the hatbox from the shelf in the closet, feeling the contents shift as she walked to the bed.

Opening it, she took out the top layer of belongings-her robe from graduation, complete with scorch marks offered a buffer for the more fragile objects. She began to pack Tara's possessions inside - a hairclip, a ring and several pictures and other mementos were carefully tucked into the remaining spaces.

As she gently placed the last object - a flower Tara had given her that Willow had dried - on top, her hand brushed over a book. Her lips turned up in a small smile when she realized it was her high school diary. Carefully dislodging it from the confines of the box, she began flipping through the pages, occasionally giggling and rolling her eyes at the way she had fawned over Xander.

She began to read closely when she got to the entries where Buffy played a role. Reading over her memories, she smiled, remembering how happy they had been. 'So carefree.' Willow pursed her lips at that thought. 'Yeah so carefree with werewolves and vampires for boyfriends,' she thought to herself. She paused as a word caught her eye `Angel'.

It was the entry where she had written of Acathla and the spell she had performed. She shuddered in memory. `Being possessed by Romani spirits, not of the good,' she recalled.

She flipped through a few more pages, avoiding her hurt and betrayal over Buffy's abrupt disappearance after she fought Angelus. Those memories were too like the ones she was feeling now to be comfortable. She didn't blame Buffy. That would stupid and she would feel guilty if she did that. But Willow admitted that she still felt hurt and betrayed. Her best friend was ripped from her and she had no chance to say goodbye. But at least they had parted on good terms. Not like with Tara.

Willow pulled herself away from that memory and forced herself to pay attention to the diary. She stopped on the entry where she detailed how Buffy had described the fight with Angelus.

Buffy said a portal opened up. She described it as white-hot, with tendrils of energy flickering around the sides with a purplish center. (Okay, she didn't really say it like that but I can't really write `Big purple portal. Big white globs of something along the edges' now can I? She ran Angel through with the sword and he looked at her shocked. She says he told her he didn't remember what he had done as Angelus until he had been in that Hell for a while. Then he was pulled into the vortex. It shut with a blinding flash of light and when Buffy could see, all that was left was the statue.

Willow swallowed, her heart in her throat as she remembered that night a month and a half ago.

***

She looked down at Tara's prone body, tears in her eyes as she realized that while she had been trying to restore Tara's mind, all she had succeeded in doing was to rip the remaining vestiges of it away from her. Tara's eyes peered into the night, unseeing, even though her body still lived. Willow began to sob, clutching Tara, pleading with her to be alright. She began to rock, her mind unwilling to accept the reality of the situation.

Willow was torn from her shock by a loud, thundering tearing sound. Startled, she looked up and gasped. In the sky above her was an enormous vortex, the energy rippling as a giant bat-winged snake-creature emerged. Willow watched in horror as she saw demon buildings flicker in and out around her. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she stood shakily as she saw two figures on the top of the scaffolding. Her eyes widened as she saw one begin running toward the edge of the platform.

"No," she whispered futilely, extending a hand as if by doing so she could stop what she knew would happen. She was unable to make her voice, mind or magic work in time to do anything. She cried out as if in physical pain as she saw the figure, who she could now see had long, blonde hair, jump off, performing a swan dive into the vortex. A sudden light blinded her. She blinked her eyes a few times and looked up to see Buffy's body plummeting down. She closed her eyes against the sight and sound of impact.

***

"Oh Goddess," Willow whispered, the blood draining from her face. "It's almost exactly the same. The energy, the vortex, the light. And... Angel was pulled into a hell dimension. Could... I wonder where... her body is here but what if some part of her isn't? What if... Oh Goddess! Please no!" Willow cried, realizing, for the first time, that Buffy's soul could be in Hell. "And it's already been a month and a half. Forty-five days. Angel was there for three months and he said it was like five hundred years. Oh Goddess, have I let Buffy suffer in hell for two hundred fifty years?"

She dropped the diary to the floor with a thud, tears streaming down her face as she reached blindly for the phone.

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