FanFiction Archive

Bonds of Soul and Demon - Painful Decisions

Flames surrounded her body, the searing heat sucking the faintest trace of moisture from her skin. The air around shimmered with the heat, distorting the view of the area. Darkness, rough stone and ugly metal supports formed the setting, with other patches of flame either trapping other beings, or heating huge vats of molten metal. The air smelled of molten metal, scorched stone, and despair, along with the bitter near taste of scorched and burned flesh. Shuffling forms bent in submission moved before other figures, each bent form hauling heavy burdens that they were carrying to some other location. Other forms were forced to add things to the melting vats, or to carefully tip the vats into molds.

Larger figures bearing weapons, sometimes clubs that glittered darkly like obsidian, others holding multitounged whips that writed on under their own power. These menacing forms, acting as overseers to the unfortunates, would beat those who moved to slowly, or those who fell. Their harsh words, distorted by distance and disorientation, added to the ngihtmarish quality of the surroundins, as did the screams of the laborers.

Attention was immediately brought back to here and now as a burning lash struck her back. It seared and burned, and there was the feeling of somthing sharp digging into the top of her shoulder. Her arms were held up, manacles holding her almost at the ground, her toes brusing it as she swung. The whip connected again, and this time, a scream emerged, deep and almost feral in nature....

Willow awoke, a scream emerging as she was certain that she felt a searing pain in her shoulder, her arms aching from manacles. She was in a white room, in a small, hard bed, with a tube going into her arm. there was no scent of molten metal, no burning flesh. The room was a bit chilly. How had she gotten here? The last thing she remembered, she had been chained in Dru's basement, hoping to avoid slow lingering death.

Her mind was certain that there had been somethign else, something after the basement, but before the hospitol. It was important, and she needd to try to remember... Her head felt fuzzy inside. Her back hurt, as did her stomach. Nervously, Willow glanced down her body, seeing bandages covering her abdomen. Tears welled as she remembered the hours spent at Dru's non existant mercy.

A nurse rushed into the room, drawn by Willow's scream. She quickly did her best to reassure Willow, to assure her that she was safe in the hospitol, that there was no danger here. She checked Willow's vital signs, and explained all the while what she was doing. It was in by listening to this woman talk that Willow learned she had been brought in by somone, a frantic blonde man, almost three days ago. She had been badly beaten, and had lost a great deal of blood, and was currently under the influence of pain killers, which explained her muzzy headedness.

She had had two visitors, even though she had been unconcious, an older man that the staff had assumed was her father, and a girl that sounded like Amy. Willow wondered if any of the vampires had tried to visit, or had visited while she was asleep. She managed to ask for some water, which the nurse gave her.

She was still trying to understand what had happened when the nurse left. There were more pieces to this puzzle. There were things that she needed to remember. Willow focused on trying to remember as much as she could. She had been kidnapped, chained up and beaten. No trouble remembering that part. She had tried that astral projection that Amy had told her about, hoping to escape from the pain in the basement. There had been a big, evil statue demon upstairs... Dru and Angelus and Buffy and Spike... there was fighting. That was important, had the statue been stopped?

Fragmentary images of white marble pillars, a pool of pale blue liquid. Two people in flowing golden togas... that was important. She had to remember... who were those people? What had happened? The effort made her head throb, and things spun slightly around her. Willow's body wasn't up to her demands, and she felt herself slide into darkness once more.

Willow felt herself chained to a wall, the stone scorching her flesh. She could feel the heat, feel it searing the wounds from the latest beating. The mocking laughter of those watching rang in her ears, as they mocked the mighty Angelus, fallen now to the status of their plaything.

That wasn't right. She was Willow, not Angelus.

They mocked more, now throwing small stones at her, the tiny bits of obsidion sharp on the edges, making little shallow cuts with every impact. No single stone could cause any signifigant damage, but it was like being gnawed on by a cloud of tiny stinging insects, and soon the blood trickling from each little slice ran over her body, sizzling on the hot ground.

She awoke, her body twitching in futile effort to avoid the little stinging stones. She was in the hospital still. No hot stones, no sharp bits thrown at her, no mocking figures. Giles was sitting in the chair between her bed and the window. She struggled to draw breath to speak, to shape the words through the haze of nightmarish imagry from moments ago and the painkillers.

"Giles? You're... here. Good. The statue? Buffy... was there... she was fighting... what happ.." Her voice gave out. Her throat was dry from remembered screams and not enough water. She felt absolutely parched, and her head was still fuzzy from whatever they were giving her for pain.

He helped her to drink some water before answering, his eyes bright with concern for her, red from lack of sleep. "Acathla has been destroyed, broken into chunks, and each piece encased in concrete. I... there has been no sign of Buffy. That night... she aparently vanished. As the world is still here, I can only assume that Acathla was closed, but beyond that, I cannot say."

"I can still feel him... he hurts... Giles, where's Angelus?"

Her question hung in the air, and Giiles could only shrug. His eyes were filled with worry, and he left that question unanswered.

~

It had been another few days before the hospital staff had been willing to let Willow leave. In the end, they had only relented because she seemed to be healling abnormally fast, and showed no signs of infection. They had insisted that she have somebody stay with her, that she not be alone while healing from this. Grimacing slightly, Willow had nodded, certain that she could find someone to check in on her regularly. She had insisted on wearing her necklace again, as soon as she could stay awake long enough to ask for it.

Giles had come to pick her up, and neither of them had corrected the idea that he was Willow's father. It was almost the truth, at least on an emotional level. He had nodded at all the instructions for caring for Willow's injuries, and had blandly agreed that someone would be able to stay with her. He looked tired, as if he hadn't been sleeping, which only reinforced the idea that he was her very concerned father.

Willow waited until they were carefully settled into the car before she spoke up with her real question. "What's been going on since I've been in the hospital? How's the family... umm Angelus' family that is? Have you learned anything about Buffy? umm the nurse said that you and Amy have visited, what about... umm did Xander or the others.. did they.. worry? notice? care?" Her voice had trailed off at the end, possibly from the pain in her back, or from the pain caused by her former friends.

Giles sighed, and drove quietly for a few moments, clearly trying to think of a way to phrase his reply. "I have learned a bit about what happened to Buffy. It seems... she left her mother a note and has, ah, it seems that she has run away from home. Joyce... wanted answers from me. I had to tell her that her daughter is the Slayer, chosen to fight demons... and then I had to convince her that demons and vampires were real. Joyce isn't speaking to me right now, but she made it clear that she blames me for Buffy leaving." Giles gave a small bitter laugh.

"Unfortunately, without a Slayer to keep order, things here are getting worse. There have been perhaps the usual number of vampire kills, but without someone to prevent them from rising... the vampire population can only grow. There have also been some incidences of dangerous demons, and we have nobody to fight them. I really haven't heard anything from.. about Angelus' family. Xander and the others... they did know about you being in the hospital. I don't know what they are thinking about it or why they didn't visit. Ahh... do you... have you any guesses what happened to Angelus?"

Willow closed her eyes, seeing once more the scenes of horrible pain and torture that plauged her sleep, hearing the voices mocking Angelus. A shudder swept over her body, awakening pain in it's wake. She looked at Giles, her eyes filled with worry and tears. "I think he's in hell. The portal was opening right where he was standing, and Buffy was fighting with him.... I've been having nightmares, every time I sleep. Horrible nightmares... I think... I think I'm dreaming where he's at. I need.. I can't just leave him there."

Giles sighed. "I still am reluctant to think that he could be precisely good for you... but... he didn't hurt you. He seemed to be looking out for you, actually. I have no idea how you could bring him back if he was sent through Acathla's portal, but... perhaps you will find something. I need to try to find Buffy. We need to have a slayer over the Hellmouth, it's to dangerous to leave unattended."

Willow could only nod, understanding exactly what Giles meant. The Hellmouth wasn't safe, even under the best circumstances. With nobody to even try keeping theings in line... things could get very very bad, very quickly. Part of her mind dwelled on that, contemplating all the assorted dangers that could create panic, mayhem and death. Another part of her mind was already trying to think of ways to work on the matter of retreiving Angelus. There might be some books at the school. Sam had owned those demon books, maybe he would have something about how to get someone out of hell. She should definitely check with Dalton as well... and Amy.

Once Giles had arrived at the Rosenberg home, he helped Willow out of the car. She could feel every welt and cut aching from the trip, throbbing with pain and the memory of fire from her nightmares. She hobbled into the house, feeling almost like a crippled old woman. Looking at Giles and his obvious concern, she tried to smile reasurringly. "I have a plan. I'm going to call Amy, maybe she can come over and keep me company for a bit."

After a few minutes on the phone, Willow carefully lowered herself onto a chair. She looked at Giles, and gave a weak smile. Amy said that she can come over, she should be here in a few minutes. I'll have some company. I guess... I mean, I'm not trying to run you off, but I should be okay now if you wanted to go back to trying to find Buffy. Or... umm maybe you could get Kendra to come back?"

After a few more reasurrances, Giles left Willow in her house. He did have a great deal of research to do, as well as trying to make some headway towards getting a Slayer back over the Hellmouth. Surely Amy could make certain that Willow was careful and didn't get injured any further. Perhaps she could even keep Willow from overexerting herself on her first day out of the hospitol.

~

Amy arrived, looking very worried. She walked in, and winced at the sight of Willow, her skin pale, dark circles under her eyes, bandages visible under the bottom of her shirt.

"Oh my, that looks... very painful. What happened, I mean... I know you were kidnapped, and hospitalized but..." Amy's voice trailed off as she realized that she didn't know how painful the incident may have been emotionally for Willow.

Willow looked at her friend, and waved for Amy to sit down. "Dru had her minions kidnap me because Angelus liked me and not her. She chained me up and beat the skin off my back... opened a portal to hell that I think Angelus got sucked into. Buffy ran away from home. I need a way to get my Angelus back from hell. As for my back.. the people at the hospital gave me drugs."

Amy sank onto the couch, her eyes wide and jaw slightly dropped as she tried to process the whole thing. "Wow... umm if you're on pain killers, you really shouldn't try anything magical. But, umm we can try to find something, research I mean."

Somehow, Amy had managed to get some books into the house. Willow suspected magic, although she hadn't asked. They had spent several hours searching for any information that might be useful for getting Angelus back from Hell. The only time Willow had taken a break was twice to get another pitcher of water, and once to take one of the pain-killers that she'd been sent home with. She'd been drinking a lot of water since she'd woke up, but she was always thirsty, and looked on the verge of dehydration.

The telephone rang, and Amy answered it, on the grounds that Willow's injury made her to slow to be racing to tell some idiot that they didn't need any new siding. After she answered the phone, instead of telling whoever that they didn't need to buy whatever, she looked over at Willow and said "Do you know someone named Sarah? I know it isn't Sarah Evans from English class, but... umm it that someone you know?"

Willow carefully pulled herself to her feet, wincing as her muscles protested. "Yeah.. she's part of the family, umm one of Angelus and Spike's people. Here, phone.... umm thanks. Hello Sarah."

"I've been much better. They said it was pretty messy. I didn't wake up for almost three days. Sarah, what can you tell me about what happened in there?"

"Dru's dead? Spike did oh, he must be so upset... yeah, I can imagine, sorta. Is someone making sure he eats?" Willow paused, listening for an answer. "Well, that's something at least. Can you ask Dalton to try to research something for me?"

Willow licked her lips, which were feeling so dry that they were in danger of cracking. "I think Angelus got sucked into the portal. I need to find a way to get him back. Pretty sure, I've been having these horrible nightmares... ask him, please? Oh, Sarah? I wanted to thank you, y'know, for making sure that someone knew where I was so there could be a rescue attempt."

Finally, she hung up the phone, swaying slightly on her feet. Looking at Amy's worried face, she gave a tired and pained smile in an effort to reassure her friend. "I'm... I'll be okay. Sarah was the only person that knew where I was. She made sure I got rescued. She said... it was Dru that had Acathla, umm a really bad demon. She opened a portal to try to have the world get sucked into hell. Spike... Spike had to kill her, and that somehow closed the portal. He's taking it very hard."

Willow made her way carefully back to the couch, and sank into the cushion. Drinking yet another glass of water, she decided to ask Amy if pizza for dinner sounded good. Hot, plentiful food delivered right to your house. What could be better?

Willow managed to convince Amy that delivered food was good. Partly because Amy didn't want to cook either, she agreed. Neither one of them expected Willow to eat an entire large pizza by herself. Willow had looked a bit worried, somewhat thoughtful, and offered the feeble excuse that maybe she was trying to make up for the time in the hospital.

They continued to research well into the dark of night before Willow fell asleep, collapsed over a book. Amy tried gently to wake her up, but when that had no result, she shrugged and wrapped a blanket around Willow, hoping that the position wouldn't cause her troubles. Eventually, Willow began to dream, and Amy could only watch as her friend whimpered, begging for the pain to stop, twisting in futile effort to avoid unseen blows. Sweat beaded on Willow's forehead, and she radiated an intense heat, as if she were fevered. Her skin was red, and hot to the touch. Amy wasn't surprised when Willow woke, screaming after only a few hours.

The surprise was the fact that for the first few moments after she had woke, her eyes were golden. They returned to green, and when they were green again, her skin had also paled from the burning fever, and was now clammy with sweat. Willow blinked, trying to reassure herself of her surroundings, clutching the blanket with white knuckled fists. Her breath was coming in harsh gasps.

They definitely needed to find some way to fix this.

~

After Willow had woken screaming, Amy had managed to help calm her down. She hadn't mentioned a word about the yellow eyes. She had no idea what she could possibly say. Instead, she had brought Willow more water, in a glass half filled with ice cubes. Willow was drinking the water, lots of water, in an effort to re hydrate herself. As much as she had sweated in her sleep, combined with the inexplicable fever that she'd had while... dreaming seemed to mild a word, but what else could she use? While not concious, yes, between the high temperature and the sweating, Willow needed the water.

There was definately something supernatural going on. Being kidnapped and tortured was horrible, and could easily inspire nightmares, but it didn't give horrible fevers that were only there while someone was unconcious. It didn't make a person's eyes turn vampire yellow, at least, not while they still had a pulse. Amy had no idea what could possibly have done this to Willow. Not only that, but she was worried. If something had given Willow the yellow eyes of a vampire, what else had it done to her? Obviously, she didn't combust in the sunlight, but... would she be stronger? Reflect in a mirror still? Crave blood?

The doorbell rang, startling Amy from her thoughts. When it rang again, she realized that the only thing to do would be answer it. She moved towards the door, one hand clenched at her throat, the other ready to open the door. Opening the door, she wondered who could be standing there at this hour, and what they could possibly want.

Spike stood on the porch, his hair in dissarray, his eyes dark ringed. There was the scent of blood and whiskey hanging on him, and he was swaying slightly on his feet. He looked haggard and miserable. He looked at her, blinking slightly, as if trying to place who she was. Finally, he spoke, a single, plainitive word that made him sound like a lost and frightened child.

"Angelus?"

Looking around in confusion, he staggered through the door, passing Amy. He looked terrible, and oddly lost. Spike walked into the froon room, where Willow was currently drinking more water... the pitcher beside her was almost empty now. He sank to his knees on the floor beside Willow, wrapping his arms around her legs and clinging to her, shaking slightly, holding on to her as if she was the only anchor in the world. He was calling her Angelus, sobbing that he felt alone and lost.

Things had definitly just taken a turn for the stranger. As near as Amy could guess, somehow, there was enough of a connection between Willow and Angelus that Spike was comforted by Willow's presence. Angelus was gone, making it even more likely that Willow was right, that he'd been sucked into Hell by that portal. Spike was definitly taking the events of last week hard; Willow's kidnapping and injury, Angelus' dissapearence, and Dru's death... by Spike's own hand.

Amy felt so bad for the blond vampire, although there was a small, well, maybe not so small part of her that was glad that his lover was gone. Maybe she could help him get over his pain.. find new happiness... maybe she could be the one to bring him that happiness. She definitly had a crush on the handsome blond.

On the bright side, it looked like she wouldn't have any difficulty finding someone else to stay with Willow. It looked as if the only way that she would be able to convince Spike to go away would be to beat him unconcious and drag him away, and even then, it would probably only work as a short term measure. Not that Amy really wanted him to go away anyhow.

It took a bit of effort, but she managed to get Spike to let go of Willow's legs. Then, she convinced Spike to lean on Willow - although he was insisting that it was Angelus beside him, and she got the two of them to the bedroom occasionally used by Willow's parents. It was perfect, as far as she could tell. The only window not only faced North, but it was covered by the large mirror on the back of the dresser, which she could only assume held clothing belonging to Willow's often absent parents. That meant there would be no sunlight getting into the room.

Willow let herself collapse onto the large bed, hissing in pain as her back connected, even if the mattress was softish. Her nightmares had ensured that despite having spent several hours not awake, she wasn't particularly rested. She let herself lay there, apparently unwilling to try to go anywhere else. Spike crawled onto the bed beside her, curling up at her side, one arm wrapping around her, as if seeking the surety of her continued presence. He looked lost, and exhausted, and was probably quite drunk as well, judging from the smell of him. Sighing, Amy took his boots off, which prompted a somewhat mumbled noise.

She left the two of them resting there, and went back downstairs. The door needed to be locked. She would also have to go somewhere and find blood for Spike in the morning, otherwise... well, she didn't want to become his snack. Probaly Willow would know what to do. She might as well clean up a bit. She'd just sleep in Willow's room tonight.

~

Amy woke up in the morning, sunlight streaming in through the windows and shining onto her face. Groaning slightly, she pulled herself from the bed. Mindful of the shafts of sunlight, she went down the hall to check on Willow and Spike. With any luck, they would be in somewhat better condition that they had been when she'd left them.

Peeking into the room, she could see that Willow was flushed and sweating. Unlike last night, she wasn't tossing as if trying to avoid things, she was curled around Spike, looking almost as if she were trying to protect him. The marks on her wrists where the shackles had chafed her had been nearly gone last night, but now they were all raw looking, as if she had been chained and struggling. Spike had burrowed into Willow's embrace, as if he truly believed that she could keep him safe from his pain.

Feeling concerned, both by Spike's behavior and Willow's wrists, she took a pitcher of ice water upstairs to wait for Willow to wake up, and called Mr Giles. Maybe he could give her some answers about this, he was a watcher. That had to mean he knew more about vampires than she did. Maybe this was something normal for a person involved with a vampire? Amy doubted that it could be so simple, but she was still going to hope that Giles could help figure something out.

She called Giles, not explaining everything, only saying that there had been a 'rather unexpected complication or two', and asking if he could please stop by as soon as possible. He had muttered a few thing about some sort of demon, and had agreed to swing by. Amy felt slightly better after that. Even if she stayed utterly confused, she wouldn't be confused alone, which would be something.

Giles arrived, and Amy ushered him in, smiling in a slightly nervous way. He say down, clearly trying to figure out what could have Amy so upset. She figured that she might as well fill him in.

"Ummm you know that Willow's having these horrible nightmares? She had another one last night, and while she was out, she had this terrible fever. Even freakier, for a few moments after she woke up.. her eyes... they were yellow, Mr. Giles. This morning when I peeked in, her wrists... they were all raw again, like she'd had them scraped back open. That's the first complication. Oh, umm she's been drinking a lot of water and she was also really hungry last night." Amy began trying to explain.

Giles frowned, looking very concerned. "Yellow eyes? oh dear, this is... most disturbing, I'm not certain what could have caused that. What was the other complication?"

Amy took a deep breath before she replied. "Spike. He showed up last night... I'm pretty sure he was very drunk. He looked at Willow and said Angelus. They're upstairs now, and he's curled up with her like he thinks she can make everything better... Which reminds me, I think we need to get some blood for him. He won't sleep forever, and he's bound to get hungry. Only, I have no idea where to go for that."

"Spike is here, calling Willow Angelus?!?" Giles was startled, and his voice got increasingly loud towards the end of the sentence. He looked pale, and worried.

He gestured for Amy to follow him, and continued at a lower volume, although she wouldn't call him anywhere near calm. They walked out the door, which Amy locked, keeping Willow's keys in her pocket as they went to Giles' car. He was muttering, a steady stream of unhappy and troubled words. "This is not good, this is not normal. I can think of no reason... Even if they had performed a mating ceremony, he should still be able to differentiate between his sire and his sire's mate.. which I'm not certain that Willow is. Possibly he's simply confused from being entirely to drunk? not certain that that would be much of an improvement, although it would be an explanation. Unfortunately that wouldn't explain the yellow eyes, or her wrists..."

He continued, clearly thinking out loud. "We shall certainly have to go and get him some blood, I would not want him to awaken hungry and with no safe source of meals in the house. It sounds unlikely that he would harm Willow, especially if he thinks that she's his sire, but neither of us have that meager protection. I suppose that as a small advantage, it does mean that he will be willing to help us watch over Willow in an effort to ensure her safe recovery."

Giles finally stopped his worried mutterings as they pulled the car to a stop in front of a run down looking bar, an flickering neon sign proclaiming this place to be 'Willy's Alibi'. It looked deserted. Giles opened the door, going inside with confidence, and Amy could think of nothing else to do but follow him inside. The surrounding neighborhood was not particularly prosperous looking, or safe. The bar was dimly lit, and looked as if was barely open, many of the chairs still resting on tables. A somewhat greasy looking person who looked thoroughly untrustworthy stood behind the bar, wiping a cloth over something that had been spilled over the surface.

After a few moments of talking to him, Giles purchased a cooler filled with what looked for all the world like the little Red Cross blood units. He muttered something under his breath as they left. Amy had the sudden realization that if Giles had been able to buy the blood from this man, the clientele of the bar was probably... less than human. She shivered at the thought.

~

Amy and Giles returned to Willow's house, now discussing Giles current difficulty: the lack of a Slayer over the Hellmouth. Buffy had run away, he had no idea where she had gone. Already there were signs that the vampire population was increasing, and there were several dangerous demons that were rumored to have entered the area. If the Hellmouth was not defended, it would rapidly become to dangerous for humans to live over. He was planning to try to find Buffy.

"I thought Willow said something about another Slayer? Kenna or something like that? Couldn't she come here and help?" Amy wasn't certain that she wanted Buffy to return. After all, the blond had turned against Willow, accusing the redhead of 'betraying' her by having an affair with Spike, which wasn't even the right vampire, called her terrible names, and basically been a terrible friend over the last few weeks before the big finale.

"Kendra, actually. Hmm that is an option I suppose, although it would still be wise to try to find Buffy. Although, given the recent... let us say distance between Willow and Buffy, it might actually be easier to call on Kendra. That is an excellent suggestion, I shall have to contact her watcher." Giles was thoughtful as they pulled into Willow driveway.

They walked back into the house, with Giles carrying the cooler. There was the unmistakable sound of someone having a nightmare. Amy gasped, and ran to the room where she had left Willow and Spike, uncertain exactly what she would find.

Spike was curled up, sobbing, and she could make out Dru's name in his pain filled words. Willow was thrashing, and someone was growling... Amy could only stand in the doorway, watching with wide eyes and a pounding heart.

Angelus stood in the open room, where his crazed childe Dru had placed the demon Acathala. She had broke away from his family, set up her own lair with her own minions... worse than that, she had rejected Spike and kidnapped Willow, Angelus' own chosen mate. They had come to rescue Willow, and he was now standing across from Dru, a sword drawn. Beside him, Spike had an axe, and Spike was trying to conceal the heartache that this was causing him. Angelus could feel it though, through the bloodlink that he had to his childe.

Then, Buffy was there, and Dru was screaming at the Slayer, telling her that she would never have him back, telling the Slayer that Daddy's heart was filled by another... dragging Willow's name into the open, sending the Slayer into a horrible fury. She shrieked with incoherent rage, and attacked Angelus, glaring at him, furious that he was not as obsessed with her as his souled self had been. They fought, swords clashing, tossing insults. He told the Slayer that he, Angelus, had never wanted her, that she wasn't even important enough to stalk and destroy... that he had found a far more worthy mate.

Suddenly, it was as if blinding light ripped through him, sending everything spinning out of control. There was a pressure, as if he was being squeezed by an unseen hand, and then something that was not his own will made him get up from the floor. He looked at Buffy, feeling this sickening surge of concern flow through him. He tried to scream protest, to scream at whatever had filled him that this creature had cursed his chosen mate, had made his mate cry.. He watched his hand reach out, gently brush the Slayer's arm, some worried nonsense was babbled. He howled in protest... Acathala, WILLOW!!

The Slayer kissed him, filling his mouth with her taste, with the feeling of her.... NO!! What about Willow? What about Spike? Get this horrible blonde away from him, anything, please... As if in answer to his whispered plea that something, anything stop this from going anywhere with the slayer - maybe she had heard his howls of outrage? She lifted her sword, thrusting it into his stomach, and gave a solid shove, flinging him away from her. !!

Into the vortex of Acathla's portal. He felt the bond he had to Drusilla shatter with her death, a tearing pain inside him. Spike collapsed onto the floor in front of a pile of ashes, blood tears falling down his face, shaking with grief and emotion. No! His childe needed him! He felt himself falling, being pulled away as his childe shattered inside... He could see the tiny figure of the Slayer, through a small round opening... she paused, looking at Spike, and then turned, running away.

Awareness returned... Spike was nearby, still torn up inside by grief and pain, feeling alone and abandoned. That and a bit drunk. Spike had always reacted to trouble by turning to alcohol to numb the pain until he could come up with a plan. The first thing to do was make sure that Spike knew he wasn't abandoned. There was one good way to make certain that he knew that, knew it down to the very core of his being.

Willow reached out, lifting her childe from the bed, her teeth sharp, and growled a brief sentence "My Childe, you are not alone." She sank her fangs deep into the side of his throat, reaffirming that he was her childe, that he wasn't alone. That his sire still cared for him, would still help him. His blood flowed into her mouth, tasting of pain and heartache, mind numbing grief, and a hint of alchohol. She only took a small drink, but the message was clear to Spike. She released him, and he came to rest on her lap, purring slightly, feeling safer, less alone.

What had she just done? She wasn't a vampire... she was human. So, why did it feel so natural to have Spike curled up with her, murmuring the word Sire at her? How had she bitten him, and why could she feel him, a presence inside her mind, her heart?

Memory flooded back, clear and intact for the first time since she had awoken in the hospitol. The white pillared area, the two figures shaped from blue and gold... her desperate plea to save Angelus. The words that had been spoken: 'A bond between souls, between soul and demon.' The bright light that she had felt go through her, burning into her, connecting her to two other somethings; Angelus the demon... and the soul that was known as Angel. Right before Buffy sent him to hell.

There was a sudden gasp from the doorway, a sound of shock and dismay. Looking up, she saw Amy standing in the doorway, her face pale and shocked. She could hear another person downstairs. Amy's eyes held the beginnings of questions. Listening in the near silence, she realized that the person downstairs was Giles, which meant more questions.

Oh dear.

~

"Ummm morning, Amy?" Willow had hoped to offer some reassurance to her friend. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be working. Not only did Amy not look reassured, Willow as less than positive exactly what was going on herself. The only person that seemed to have found any reassurance through this whole mess was Spike, now contentedly asleep on her lap.

Amy made a little noise of disturbed confusion, her hand waving towards the bed. It was clear that whatever she had expected to find when she came up to check on them, this definitely wasn't it. Amy made a few little incoherent noises before finally finding her voice and managing a hoarse whisper. "What was that?"

Willow sighed. It figured that Amy would go right for the part that she wasn't entirely certain about. Giles would probably want to know what was going on as well. "You might as well ask Giles to come up too, I think he'll want to know what's up too. If I can go though this once... umm could you bring me some water?"

Amy brought her the pitcher of water and the glass that had been sitting on the dresser. As soon as Amy was convinced that Willow had the water, she turned and fled the room, rushing down the stairs calling for Giles in a nervous sounding voice.

Willow sighed, and drank water, feeling incredibly thirsty, as was almost normal since she'd woke up in the hospital. She considered her dream, trying to determine why she had dreamed of the portal, of Buffy fighting with Angelus. She hadn't been an observer in the dream though, she had been Angelus. It had to mean something, and it couldn't simply be because she had bound herself to the clan of Aurelius when her blood had fallen on the seal.

Looking at her hand while she pondered, Willow suddenly noticed something. Her wrist was raw and chafed again, as it had been when she was first rescued. But... that had been a week ago, and they had been healed over to no more than fresh scars last night. How had they been reopened? Were the dreams of Angelus in torment showing themselves on her? If that were so, did the fact that she was so thirsty have any connection to him? Things were getting very confusing.

Amy returned, and Giles was with her. He was muttering things about unexpected consequences, and protests that she had been in the daylight just yesterday. They both stopped in the doorway, as if reluctant to come closer. Willow wasn't certain if they were hesitant because of her or because of Spike, who was still resting, his head on her leg, one arm gently around her waist, purring faintly. He was a soothing presence to her. Perhaps she should start with the few things that she was certain of.

"I'm not dead. And, umm I still reflect, see?" She gestured over at the mirror, and stopped at the sight of herself. Her face was pale, with dark circles around her eyes. Her clothing and hair were every bit as rumpled as she'd expected. The pendant that marked her as belonging to the order of Aurelius hung at her throat, just as it should. Her eyes were golden. "oh god..." she could only whisper her shock.

"This seems to be... ahh... highly irregular and unusual, to put it mildly. Can you explain any of this, Willow? Why does Spike seem to think you're Angelus? What caused your eyes to change?" Giles sounded as if he was trying to repress his nervousness with research.

Willow sighed, taking her eyes from the mirror, and her golden eyed reflection. She realized that she was running her hand over Spike's head, as if he were a large cat that she was petting. After a moment's bemusement, she decided to continue the motion. "Well... umm when I was chained up in Dru's playroom, I managed to do a bit of astral projection. I stepped out of my body, and went up to see what was happening. I saw Buffy... she arrived, there were... harsh words. She fought Angelus... She looked like she was really really mad because he wasn't in love with her like Angel was. The portal was opening. I was terrified. So, I umm... I prayed, to anyone that was listening."

"Willow, surely you know that trying to attract the attention of random entities over the hellmouth is a very dangerous idea! And astral projecting while your body was in danger... you could have been lost from your body!" Giles was the one to voice their protests.

Willow gave a little half smile. "At the time I stepped out, I didn't think there was a long term chance of survival anyhow. So, I umm... gave a general call for help, and the next thing I knew I was in this white place with pillars and a marble floor and these two people... they definitely weren't human. They were all gold and blue, like gold and one of those blue stones... umm lapis I think. They had on long tunics, sort of Greek looking. There was a bit of the whole who are you lower being, and what did I want..."

"Lower being? They called you a lower being? Gold and blue? One male, one female? Good heavens.. that sounds like the Oracles... ahh, please continue." Giles couldn't help himself. It sounded as if this was something he recognized.

"They spoke again, testing my sincerity and how much I was willing to give up. They said something... the woman said my soul was bound to his soul... the man said a binding of soul and demon. Then, there was this really bright flash that felt like I was being melted down... I could feel this connection to two others... Then, I was waking up in the hospitol. As near as I can guess, I'm bonded to Angelus' demon... and maybe Angel's soul. Which means I'm feeling him in hell. I can feel Spike... I guess through Angelus' demon being in his blood... and he seems to think I feel like Angelus. Spike's a wreck inside, I can feel it. I have no idea why my wrists are all raw looking again."

Giles looked at Willow, pinching the bridge of his nose in an effort to ward off a headache. "This is... probably the most accurate explanation. If you are bonded to Angelus, then it is most likely that your dreams are his experiences on the other side of the portal. I'm still not certain if I have any texts that would be of use, although you are certainly welcome to look. There have however, been references to sorcerous bonds that were powerful enough that injury to one person could be manifest on the other... I think I'll have Amy bring those over. Hmmm Xander and Cordelia have been attempting to help research demons, but..."

Willow looked at Giles, knowing where he was going with that partial sentence. "They... don't want to see me, do they? If they ask, feel free to tell them that I'm still... alive. I'll be trying to get my Angelus back, and to help Spike, and while I'm giving myself great big jobs, I'll see if I can keep any of our... umm Spike and Angelus' minions in line."

~

The first few days after Willow's return from the hospital were filled with books on soul bonds in the day, and trying to help Spike by night. He hadn't gotten so drunk again, but he still seemed to be almost lost. If he was awake, he seemed to need to know exactly where Willow was at all times, and he either called her Angelus or Mum. He would sometimes sit with Amy while they were searching the books, and he had even braided her hair for her on a few occasions. It seemed to sooth him to play with her hair, or Willow's, so they let him.

Everything that they'd found supported the idea that Willow was bound to Angelus, or possibly Angel, or perhaps it would be most accurate to say both. After every nightmarish experience of his torments, she would show signs of his injuries, although they would heal much faster than a wound should. She hated the thought of him being trapped there, suffering and in pain, cut off from everyone.

Finally, Willow and Spike had gone to the lair, intending to see if Dalton had been able to find anything. Willow had growled at the minion that had tried to prevent her from entering the house. Sarah had greeted them, looking slightly puzzled by the changes in Willow. The improvement in Spike was a very welcome sight. Spike went with Sarah to go make sure that all the minions were behaving properly while Willow went to go see Dalton.

She needed no more light to see the pages of the books than he did. He was a bit apologetic, telling her that he had found very little. Much of what he found had to do with either summoning demons or banishing someone or something into hell, or 'one of the hells'. Willow was starting to get very dismayed, when he produced the last book. It was an old grimoire, and he turned it to a section on portals. There was one to open a portal to call forth a demon, with many cautions on how to proceed. There was another to open a portal to one with whom there was a strong link, like a childe to parent or siblings.

Willow took the book, pulling it closer and studying the two spells very carefully. Finally, she spoke. "I think if we combine these two, I can bring him back. Spike is his Childe, and there is a bond of blood there. I am bound to him now, my soul linked to him. I can feel him, see his experiences when I sleep. Between those two connections, we should be able to find him. I think I need you and Amy to help me determine the safest way to combine these, I'm not an expert on magic."

"We can.. bring him back? From hell? But... I thought... was he... slain?" Dalton's voice was torn between shock and awe.

Willow shook her head, frowning at the memories. "He was pushed through Acathala's portal, but he wasn't given a fatal wound by the Slayer. So, he has been gone, but not killed. I want him back, and I will move heaven and earth if I have to."

Dalton looked at the book again, and his soft comment was barely audible to Willow. "More like moving hell and earth... and what of the Slayer?"

Willow looked at him, her eyes flickering golden with rage. "The Slayer won't be a problem. After she sent my Angelus to hell, she left town. She ran away from the hellmouth and her sacred duty. Therefore, she isn't here to interfere with anything. I know that Giles is trying to find her, I don't think he will have much luck. If he succeeds in bringing in the other one, the Slayer from the islands, she will not know where to find us. If we are discrete in our actions, she will have no reason to know we are here. I will have him back beside me."

Dalton blinked in surprise. He had thought Willow amazing, and sweet, remarkably caring and compassionate, accepting them all into her life. He hadn't had any idea that she had such a devious streak in her, or that she could contemplate a goal with such ruthlessness. She was far more formidable than he had expected of her. He had assumed that Willow's strength was in her mind, and in the way her compassion could win over even a vampire. This was a much more traditional strength, more like Angelus.

Which only made sense, she had told him that she had been bound to Angelus, soul and demon. Part of him craved the details, wanting to know how such a thing had happened. There was another part that whispered of caution, saying that there were things that men, even vampires, were not meant to know. She had all her intelligence focused on her goal. She would bring back her mate, and nothing would stop her.

He wondered if Spike had any idea what he was in for. For that matter, did any of the rest of them have any idea what they were in for? Willow had accepted them as her family, that they all knew. But she intended to lead them as well. At least until her mate could return. She didn't carry Angelus' mark on her throat, but she carried his presence with her, making him felt in her. This was truly a match made.. well, if not in heaven, than certainly by a greater power than mortal or vampire.

~

Eventually, Willow left the lair, book in hand and Spike walking beside her, one hand resting on her shoulder. They walked, each silent, each half lost in thoughts, both missing Angelus. His disappearance had taken a part of them with him, and Willow knew that no matter how hard she tried, no matter that her own bond made her feel enough like Angelus to comfort his missing childe, nothing would be quite right until he was back with them.

They had to go near the location of the Bronze, and as they passed it, she saw the people that had once called her friend. Xander, Cordelia, and Oz... the people that had turned away from her when Xander had glimpsed something he didn't understand. They looked as if they had dressed for fun, like they were seeking to enjoy themselves. They looked unconcerned with the potential dangers that Giles had spoken of, rumors of vicious demons, increasing number of vampires...

Willow absently thought that she should remember to tell Giles that the vampire issue shouldn't be a major concern for now. She and Spike had told the clan that if they could arrange for the subtle disappearance of some of the rival clans, if they could increase their territory without notice, do it. Her vampires... Angelus' vampires would be out, preventing the newly turned from swelling the ranks of their rivals, seeing to it that any other vampire hunting alone never returned to his lair.

She had explained her reasoning. If they made a big, hostile challenge and a big fuss, everyone would not only know that Angelus was not here, they would know exactly what their numbers were. If they moved silently, weakening their rivals until their power slipped away, carefully spread their power like water seeping up, nobody would know until it was to late to stop them. If they did not know it was this clan eliminating their minions and new risen, they would turn against those who were more threatening, those they saw as a threat. They would rip each other apart, and her clan could pick up the pieces.

Cordelia glared at her, her expression venomous. "Well, if it isn't little red and her keeper. You know, he's not good for you. He'll never make you happy. About the only benefit is that at least you seem to be dressing a bit less fluffy. You still look like a loser."

Xander spoke, filling the gap after Cordelia's words. "I don't know how you could betray Buffy like that. You're sleeping with the enemy, and you have to be smart enough to know that he's never going to be happy with you, you aren't his crazy girlfriend. Not that she's any better.."

Spike had glared at the teens when they began speaking to Willow, and she had felt his hand tense on her shoulder, heard the faint growl as Cordelia spoke. When Xander brought up Dru, Spike growled loud enough that it carried to the teens, and almost as fast, he was there, his hand gripping Xander by the throat, lifting him up into the air.

Cordelia shrieked, recoiling in fear. Oz looked nervous as well, and he was searching for something in his jacket. Willow sauntered closer, glancing at Spike's expression. He looked furious, and she couldn't blame him. Quite apart from the fact that she and Spike weren't, well, they were technically sleeping together, but not in a sexual way, Xander had insulted the person Spike was thinking of as his Sire AND brought up Dru. It was as if Xander had jabbed a sharp stick into the fresh emotional wounds. Xander was making choking noises, his face turning red as he struggled to breath. He was trying to pull Spike's fingers away from his throat, his feet kicking frantically.

"Spike? You can drop him. It isn't worth the trouble of killing him. We have an elsewhere to be." Willow had been wondering if she should just let Spike crush Xander's throat right there, but she had eventually let many years of him being her friend sway her thoughts. Besides, Xander was supposed to be helping Giles with research, so she would presume that he was more useful alive. She felt a small part, possibly the demon? growl with dismay.

Spike glanced at her, looking to see if she was serious. Sighing slightly when he saw her expression, he simply opened his hand, letting Xander fall to the ground in an untidy heap. "Right Mum. You never want to let me have any fun... can't kill the whelp, can't eat the pizza boy... what about the little witch?"

Shaking her head slightly, she held out a hand, and they walked away. The people that she had called friends had chosen to think the worst of her. She couldn't change that, but she could try to not let them know how much it hurt.

She could hear their voices as she and Spike walked away... confusion and worry, Xander saying how close he had come to being killed.. Cordelia calling Spike her attack dog... Oz spoke as well, with the question that neither Xander nor Cordelia had mentioned.

"Why did Spike just call her Mum?"

She could smell their confusion and fear on the slow breeze. Spike was grinning about that, he might not have been able to kill the boy, but he had frightened him. Willow knew that that had made Spike happier, half choking Xander. Hmm... there was something that he had said that had caught her interest.

"Exactly what sort of fun did you want to have with Amy?"

~

Spike fidgeted a bit at her question, which only amused Willow. He didn't want to answer the question, and he was looking almost embarrassed. It was actually quite cute, and she grinned, letting him know that she wasn't angry at him.

"I dunno, Mum. I was partly just trying to annoy the brats back there, but... She's interesting, and got a nice shape to her. In all seriousness, Willow, there could be potential there for.. something." Spike's voice matched his expression, oddly embarrassed.

"Well, to be equally serious about it, I won't tell you that you can't try to find out what's there. Just.. don't try to hurt her, and remember that since she's human, she's a bit more fragile, physically. If it turns out that there is something between you, that would be very good. I want you both to be happy. And, since we're talking about Amy, I need her to look at this book. We may have a way to get Angelus back." Willow smiled at Spike, feeling oddly parental. Her boy thought Amy was cute, and Amy thought that Spike was cute. They would make an attractive couple, if things worked between them.

"Glad I have your okay, Mum... did you say a way to get Angelus back?" His voice had been amused at Willow's parental tone, and then the last part of her words had sunk in.

Willow was almost gleeful when she spoke. "Dalton found a book. It has a spell to pull a demon from hell, and a spell to open a portal to someone that there's a close link to. We figured that if we combined the, we could get him back. That's where Amy comes in. She knows more about actual spells than me or Dalton."

Amy had been spending a lot of time at Willow's house, and Willow was certain that it wasn't simply out of concern over Willow's injuries. No, she knew that her friend had 'a thing' for Spike. The bright side was that it meant that Amy would probably be there when they arrived, and then Willow would ask her to look at the spells. If they would work together the way Willow thought, then...

Forcing herself to calm down a bit, Willow considered things. If the spells would work together the way she hoped, it could still take time to properly combine the elements from them into a single spell. Both had listed certain items that were needed for casting, they might need to get those items, possibly at delay or expense. There might need to be certain conditions, like a certain phase of the moon.

She had herself almost calm by the time that she and Spike reached her house. Amy was there inside, and the scent of Chinese carry out filled the house. Willow grinned, aware that she felt ravenous, again. Spike also seemed to have a definite fondness for Sesame Chicken.

After everyone had eaten, Willow carefully wiped her hands clean and pulled the book over.

"Dalton found something. I think.. there are two rituals, I marked the spot, " Willow opened the book to the correct location, and slid it over to Amy. "I think if we, okay, mostly you, could work out a way to combine the two, we can get Angelus back."

Willow then sat in anxious silence as Amy read through the information. She wanted to have Amy tell her that she was right, that it would work.... but she waited. If, no, when Amy told her that it would work, she wanted her friend to be certain. She wanted no doubts about if the rituals were compatible.

Looking up at Willow, Amy spoke, hesitantly. "I can see two potential problems. Yes, the two rituals can be combined, but it might take a while to work it all out. You would need someone with a close physical connection to Angelus. Not 'I love him', not 'I was standing by him', but... family close. Then, you'd need something to make certain he knew it wasn't a trick, some way that he would know the portal was real."

Willow smiled, an expression of triumph. "Spike's his childe, bond of blood. I have this other bond, my soul to him. I can make sure he knows it real. All we need is.. a list of required stuff, a time, and a place."

"It could be dangerous. There's a period of fasting required, and umm.. the amount of energy for the spell, combined with that... it might not be safe." Amy offered this caution, hoping that nobody would be hurt by this.

Spike grinned at her. "You said it would work, right? If that means missing a meal or two, I can deal with that. As for Mum over there, it would take more than the idea of going hungry to make her back down from this. So, blend up a ritual, give us our shopping list, and we'll be set."

There really wasn't any other choice. If he could be brought back, Willow would make it happen. If it meant taking a risk, she would take a risk. She had always been loyal, and determined not to be shaken from her goal.

On to 'Red Dawning'

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