FanFiction Archive

Understanding

Part 1

Willow sighed and put her head in her hands. She had come to L.A. to tell Angel about Buffy's death. And she had. She had watched his face grow even paler than it usually was, his eyes widen in shock, and his fists clench by his sides. He had known the instant he saw her. All he said was "Buffy" before locking himself in his office.

Willow bit her lip. She had just finished explaining what had happened to Cordelia and Wesley. Cordelia had tears streaming down her face while Wesley sat stiffly stoic.

Willow looked up as the door opened quietly. "Angel, do you want to know how?" She asked quietly as she watched the dark-haired vampire come into the room.

He looked at her, his eyes filled with pain. "I heard... you don't need to explain again," he said shortly, taking a seat on the desk.

"Oh, okay," Willow said, glancing at Cordelia and Wesley to see what they would do. They appeared to be at a loss for words, neither making a sound.

Cordelia stood up and walked to the vampire. She wrapped her arms around him, giving him a quick hug before quietly exiting the room. Wesley followed, giving Angel a sympathetic glance before shutting
the door with a click.

The room was quiet; the only sounds were Willow's breathing. They sat silently for a while.

"How're you holding up?"

Willow jumped, Angel's question startling her after so many minutes of silence. "Um, oh. I'm fine. I..." she swallowed, pushing back her feelings.

Angel raised an eyebrow.

Willow's face fell, tears welling in her eyes. "It's so hard. I... Tara and then Buffy so quickly," she whispered, unable to say anything else.

She felt arms wrap around her and she welcomed the embrace. She began to cry in earnest as Angel held her. She felt his hands stroking up and down her back. After a few minutes of sobbing, she pulled back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." she said softly.

"It's okay," Angel answered. "What happened to... Tara?"

"She... we... it was too much. Me trying to restore her. I -it made her comatose. And then, so much was going on, it overloaded her and... I lost them both," Willow admitted, her tears once again overflowing.

Angel's face showed his shock. "Oh God, Willow! I am so sorry," he said, once again pulling her into his arms.

"It's not your fault. And you're going through your own stuff. You're... you're really the only one who understands. I mean, Giles and Xander think they understand but they don't..."

"Understand?" Angel asked, a hint of a smile playing over his lips.

Willow nodded. "Exactly. They're trying to help. They thought if I came here and got out of Sunnydale, it would help. But all I've done since I got here is cry."

Angel shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with that. You're hurting. It's normal to grieve, especially when you've lost... so much in so little time."

Willow nodded, wiping her eyes with her hands before pulling a tissue out of her pocket. Instead of using it, she began to play with it, her hands folding it then unfolding it. She looked at her tissue for a minute before looking into Angel's face. "Then it should be normal for you too. And you're not... you're just... so... stoic," she said.

Angel shrugged. "I'm a vampire," he said, as if that was an adequate explanation.

Willow glared at him. "So? That doesn't mean you can't feel things. You have a soul, not that having a soul makes a difference really. Look at Spike, he's... he's hurting so much. And so are you! And both of you are big, stupid macho "grr I'm a vampire and I don't care because I'm all … manly" and... this isn't what I wanted to say."

Angel smiled a little despite his pain. "It's okay."

Willow shook her head. "No it's not, but I don't want to see you do the whole brooding thing. Not that you aren't justified, but... it won't make you feel any better. Trust me, I know," she said wryly.

"I agree."

Willow blinked. "What?"

"I agree."

"You agree to what?"

"That I shouldn't brood. I've done it for 85 years and it hasn't helped any."

"Oh," Willow said, surprised. "That's good then."

Angel nodded. "So..."

"Yes, so..."

They both looked at each other, not sure what to say. Grief still marred both their faces. Angel held out his arms and Willow thankfully dived right in.

They sat, just taking comfort in the other's closeness for at least an hour.

A tentative knock on the door interrupted them. It was opened quietly and Cordelia's face popped in.

She cleared her throat before she began to speak. "Um, I didn't know what else to do, so I bought you some chocolate peanut butter ice cream and other fattening stuff. So if you want it, it's in the freezer. But we're going home," she said softly. "Unless you'd rather we stay? 'Cause we'd be happy to."

Angel shook his head. "Thanks Cordy. But... I think we'll be okay."

Cordelia nodded and began to shut the door.

"Cordy?" Willow asked just before the door shut.

Cordelia stuck her face back in. She looked at Willow questioningly.

"Thanks for the ice cream."

Cordelia smiled and shut the door behind her.

TBC...

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